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Note: we used the term “families” to include parents AND family services professionals in equal measure

Caring for the Caregiver: How to Prioritize Your Own Well-Being

As caretakers, it’s easy to put ourselves last on the priority list. We might be great at taking care of others, but remembering to intentionally recharge ourselves can be difficult. We wanted to take a moment, in the midst of transitioning back to school and into fall, to give you clear steps on how to make time and space for yourself.

It will come as no surprise that the stress levels related to caregiving and parenting are reaching all-time highs in America. And that stress is impacting more than just the caregivers. Vice Admiral Vivek H. Murthy, Surgeon General of the United States states “The stresses parents and caregivers have today are being passed to children in direct and indirect ways, impacting families and communities across America. Yet in modern society, parenting is often portrayed as a less important, less valued pursuit. Nothing could be further from the truth.”

We know how much it takes to be a caregiver and we know you cannot pour from an empty cup. It’s critical we take a pause and reflect on how we can show up for our families and those who need us most by showing up for ourselves first. 

Recognizing the Impact of Stress on Caregivers

The role of a caregiver is unlike most, as much of the work a caregiver does is invisible to those not paying close attention. The time demands, emotional labor, and financial strain all take a toll, and as children grow, those needs continuously evolve, causing the playbook of parenting, and supporting families, to continue to shift. 

All of these factors can lead to prolonged periods of immense stress, which directly contribute to anxiety, isolation, and depression. Hopefully as a caregiver, whether as a parent yourself or someone in the family support/services industry, you’re reading this and feeling validated in any amount of stress or anxiety you’re experiencing. You’re not alone in your role, and we have some ideas on how to not add more to your plate while taking the time and space to care for yourself. 

Why Self-Care is Essential

We know that as caregivers we need ways to take time on a daily basis to be able to show up for ourselves and for those we love. 

In order to provide children with a safe, stable, nurturing environment for your families to thrive, you need to take care of yourself first. According to the Surgeon General’s report Parents Under Pressure, a study found in the American Journal of Preventive Medicine states “Parental mental health can influence the emotional climate, responsiveness, and consistency of caregiving at home, all of which are crucial for a child’s emotional and cognitive development. Living with a household member, such as a parent or caregiver, with a mental health condition or substance misuse are among the originally studied adverse childhood experiences (ACEs).”

By taking the time to care for yourself, you are caring for your family. You don’t have to be at your absolute best every day, but taking the steps to prevent increased anxiety and stress can mitigate the unintended impacts on your family or families in your care.

Practical Self-Care Strategies for Caregivers

Much of self-care is focused on resting and resetting. There are seven types of rest psychologists have identified as critical for reducing stress and anxiety. They include social, creative, sensory, spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical rest. 

Here are some practical, small steps that you can consider taking on a daily or weekly basis to ensure you’re allowing space for each type of rest and self-care. 

Prioritize Sleep: Sleep is a critical component of mental and physical health. Avoiding caffeine late in the day, and reducing or eliminating alcohol consumption can help you get a better, deeper night’s sleep. Also, while it’s difficult to do, try increasing what experts refer to as sleep hygiene. It includes trying to stick to a sleep schedule, reducing screens before bed, and creating an environment that is conducive to a great sleep session. This helps with your physical rest, and if you’re able to cut down on screen time, sensory rest. 

Set Boundaries: “No” is a complete sentence. Setting healthy boundaries at work, in your social calendar, or at home are critical in maintaining some space to give yourself time to take emotional and sensory rest. Just because you can, doesn’t mean you have to. And by saying no, you can pursue things that fill up your cup –– even the simple act of coloring or doodling can help relax your brain in a creative rest and fill up your sense of play. 

Social Connection: Social rest doesn’t mean disappearing for a weekend and avoiding social interaction. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. By prioritizing social connection and social rest, it means you make time for the people who energize and uplift you. If you’re unsure who falls into that category, think about who you engage with and leave the interaction feeling better than when it started. If you’re religious or spiritual, you can often combine social and spiritual rest by attending a yoga class or church service.

Mindfulness + Meditation: Our last practical self-care tip includes staying present, and exploring mindfulness or meditation practices. Meditation doesn’t need to take long, gently closing your eyes and repeating a positive affirmation or mantra for a few moments can be just the break you need. You can explore sensory rest by grabbing a journal and jotting down on paper a simple list of five things you’re grateful for that day. Don’t judge what comes up, the act of practice even small amounts of gratitude can help the feeling spread to larger areas of your life. 

How to Build a Self-Care Routine

Just like any lifestyle change, start small and be kind to yourself. Take a few minutes a few times a day to actively practice self-care. Whether that’s taking a few minutes to stretch your body when you wake up and making note of what you’re grateful for before you go to bed, or finding time to get to a fitness class or grab a meal with a friend to refill your social battery. 

As you explore this practice, know it might take a few tries to find the right balance. One version of self-care might create more stress, like taking a slightly longer lunch means you have to stay late at the office, or you might find that trying to meditate around the same time that the kids get home from school might not be an optimal experience. Explore your experiences with curiosity as you navigate these new activities and note what works for you and your families. 

Modeling a Self-Care Practice

If a little voice pops up, filling your head with what you “should” be doing, know the longer you stay committed to a self-care practice, the quieter that voice becomes. The only thing you should be doing is making sure you’re at whatever your best is for that day, and that includes taking a few breaks for yourself now and again. 

Taking care of yourself enables you to take better care for those around you. Like we’ve mentioned, you can’t pour from an empty cup, so taking those moments to refill what gives you energy and stamina goes a long way. It also helps your kids and family see that they should care for themselves in the same way. We’re all responsible for how we show up in the world, so by prioritizing our mental and emotional health, we can be better and brighter for those we love. 

Conclusion: Long-Term Benefits of Caregiver Self-Care

Self-care isn’t a luxury, it’s a necessary activity to ensure a happy, healthy environment for families to thrive. A regular self-care practice is just that, a practice. It’ll never be perfect, but it’s the act of showing up for yourself that helps your families see that it’s not selfish to take care of yourself. 

If you’re new to a self-care practice, you might experience a huge shift in how you feel, and how you’re able to show up in the world as you begin. It’s critical to stay disciplined to make time and space for yourself to continue to reduce levels of stress and set a positive example for your families. 

Call to Action

• Mental Health Resources: Having trouble getting started with a self-care practice? Check out Olga Phoenixes 7 Step Guide To The Self-Care Wheel and the corresponding The Self-Care Wheel