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Discover how strategic self-disclosure can strengthen trust and connection between providers and clients. Learn how thoughtful sharing supports authentic relationships while upholding boundaries in social work and human services.

As providers, we’re often met with natural human curiosity from the families we partner with. Questions like, “How old are you?” “Are you married?” or “Do you have children?” may seem personal, but they’re often genuine bids for connection, affinity, or a sense of our relatability and competence.

Throughout our training, whether academic or experiential, we’re taught to maintain boundaries by deflecting or redirecting these inquiries. Common responses include: “It’s not about me, it’s about you,” “That’s interesting, may I ask why you want to know?” or “It’s natural to be curious about me, and I’m wondering how this is relevant to your goals?” While these replies are well-intentioned and rooted in ethical practice, they invite us to reflect: Are we missing an opportunity? Could these boundaries, while protective, also serve as barriers to trust and connection?

It’s well established that the relationship between provider and client is one of the most powerful catalysts for change. So why not lean into our most effective tool for building that relationship—ourselves?

In our latest blog, let’s consider how thoughtful, authentic self-disclosure—when used appropriately—can deepen rapport, foster trust, and create the kind of connection that truly supports transformation. This doesn’t mean we need to be an open book. Rather, it invites us to make intentional choices about what, how much, and when we share from our own lived experiences.

At Parenting Journey, we call this Strategic Self-Disclosure. These are authentic shares that help create meaningful moments of connection, offered with careful consideration of the relationship, the therapeutic process, and the goals of the intervention.

 

Benefits of Using Strategic Self-Disclosure Within a Provider-Client Relationship:

• Establishing our common humanity

Strategic self-disclosure helps break down barriers by reminding others that we all experience vulnerability, uncertainty, and growth. When someone shares a personal story, especially one involving struggle or learning, it humanizes them. This fosters empathy and connection, making interactions more authentic and less transactional.

•  Building trust

Trust is built on transparency and authenticity. When someone thoughtfully discloses something personal, it signals that they are willing to be open and vulnerable. This often encourages reciprocal openness, deepening mutual trust.

• Decreasing the power gap

In hierarchical relationships—such as between providers and clients—strategic self-disclosure can level the playing field. It shows that the person who holds more power is not infallible and has faced similar challenges, making them more approachable and relatable.

• Creating safe and brave spaces

Safe spaces are environments where people feel protected from potential harm, while brave spaces encourage honest dialogue even when it’s uncomfortable, which often creates the opportunity to build insight and/or make changes. Strategic self-disclosure helps create both by fostering trust, modeling vulnerability, and signaling that it’s okay to share openly.

• Resolving conflict

In conflict, strategic self-disclosure can shift the dynamic from adversarial to collaborative. Sharing personal feelings or motivations invites empathy and understanding. It can also de-escalate tension by showing a willingness to be vulnerable.

• Deepening or containing strategy

Self-disclosure can be used to deepen conversations by aligning people around shared values or experiences. It can also be used as a strategy to contain shares by setting boundaries. Sharing just enough to build a connection without oversharing or derailing the focus.

What to Consider when using Strategic Self-Disclosure Intentionally:

• Boundaries

Knowing what to share and what to hold back can be nuanced. As practitioners, we aim to be relatable and real, but we also need to maintain professional boundaries. Strategic self-disclosure should never shift the emotional weight onto the client or compromise their sense of safety and trust in the support system.

• Purpose or intention

Before sharing, pause and ask yourself: Why am I sharing this? What do I hope to accomplish? Is this the best way to support this individual or group? Strategic self-disclosure is not about spontaneous sharing; it’s about intentional connection. It should serve a clear purpose, whether that’s building trust, modeling vulnerability, or deepening understanding. If another approach could achieve the same goal more effectively, it’s worth considering.

• Context of the practitioner-participant relationship

It is important to reflect on the nature of your relationship with the individuals or groups you serve. Are you offering both group and individual sessions? If so, do any of your group members also see you one-on-one? The setting, whether community-based or residential, can influence how disclosures are received and what boundaries are appropriate. Understanding these dynamics helps ensure that your sharing supports connection without unintentionally complicating the therapeutic or supportive relationship.

• Colleague dynamics

If you’re working within a multi-service organization, such as a healthcare or social services setting, consider how your disclosures might be interpreted or shared among colleagues. Are you co-facilitating with someone else? What do you feel comfortable with them knowing about you, and what would you prefer to keep private?

• Level of activation for the practitioner

It’s essential to check in with yourself before sharing something personal. Have you processed this experience enough to speak about it without becoming emotionally overwhelmed? Has there been a major event in your life lately that may impact you differently when sharing this information? While it’s absolutely okay to show emotion, we want to avoid situations where our disclosure disrupts our ability to hold space for the client. If the content is still raw, it might be better to wait until you’ve had more time to reflect and heal.

• Reception

Even with the best intentions, disclosures may not land as expected. Clients may respond with empathy, discomfort, confusion, or even misinterpretation. It’s important to manage your expectations and be prepared for a range of reactions. Strategic self-disclosure is a tool, not a guarantee; it requires flexibility and a willingness to engage in follow-up conversations if needed.

• Safety

Above all, safety must be a guiding principle. Consider both your own safety and that of your clients. Would you feel comfortable with clients knowing personal details like your home address or your children’s school? Even well-meaning disclosures can have unintended consequences. Always ask yourself: Could this information, if shared, cause harm or compromise safety in any way?

 

In Closing, Strategic Self-Disclosure Invites Us to Bring our Full Selves into the Provider-Client Relationship.

When used with care, intention, and awareness, it can transform moments of curiosity into opportunities for connection, trust, and healing. It’s not about answering every personal question or sharing every life detail. It’s about discerning what will serve the relationship, the process, and the person in front of us.

So, let’s challenge ourselves to move beyond automatic deflection and toward thoughtful reflection. Pause, the next time a client asks a personal question. Consider the context, your intention, and the potential impact. Ask yourself: Is this a moment where sharing could deepen trust, model vulnerability, or create a safe space for growth? If so, lean in with care, boundaries, and purpose.

For those providers who are Parenting Journey graduates, continue the conversation at the facilitator toolkit on Canvas. Let’s use strategic self-disclosure not just as a tool, but as a practice that honors both our professional integrity and our shared humanity.